by Texturez

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released December 13, 2016



all rights reserved


Texturez Melbourne, Australia

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Track Name: Intro
Hey there, real quick just wanna say if anything on this album offends you it offends us too. So were sorry for not only you but for ourselves for making this. Why are we releasing this to the internet again? (Sorry)
Track Name: Capo for a Sex Act
1, 2, 3
Cut off the circulation to my dick
When we gonna do it it’s gonna be over real quick
Blood keeps rushing in my eyes go thick
Its like holding a purple round stick

Capo for a sex act
Capo for a sex act

Uh-huh, cmon, come get it
You know it’s hot, and spicy
The way you like it, cmon

Go fuck yourself
Track Name: Cough Syrup
Cough syrup, cough syrup, cough syrup
Medicine for your throat
Cough syrup, cough syrup, cough syrup
It’ll make the coughs go away
Cough syrup, syrup, syrup
Track Name: Kirsty's Sweet Melody
Fuck shit cunts
Track Name: Floor It
Your mums a whore and you know it, yea
Your mums a whore and you know it, yea-yea
But when she comes home you know you life to floor it
But when she comes home you like to
Floor it
Oh yea
Track Name: Goat Song
Well Oapie is his name and rape is game
The ladies say no but he says that's real lame
He goes real slow, and real quick
But then they ask him
Yo where is your dick?
No dick Oapie
No dick Oapie

Oapie don’t have a dick but he likes to
Think that he would cum inside you
But how can he cum, without the number one
Possession of the male
It’s called a dick, where is it

Where’s your dick Oapie ?

Oapie is a rapist, but he’s not
Oapie wishes he could rape on a yacht
Yachts are boats, but he is blind
If he could he’d go all night with a goat
A goat

(Now why you say goat?)
Ah you see Oapie, he is a farmer
Out here, to Alabama
Goat is his wife on the life
But cheese is a bitch of his goat’s strife
Goats are shit, but llamas are calmer
He had a llama when he was a farmer
As soon as he bought a farm in Alabama
He was like damn, I fuck no llama
I’m a fuck a goat, choke a goat, squeeze a goat and boat a goat
Track Name: The Government, Pt. 1
When you ask me about it
The government did it
About what?
The government did it
What am I talking about?
The government did it
Rotten tomatoes
The fucking tomatoes
*incoherent ramblings about 9/11 and tomatoes*
The government did it
The government, the government
Their gonna get us, the government
Something and tomatoes crashed those planes into those buildings
It wasn’t even planes, the planes themselves (tomatoes)
The planes (with wings) they were (and engines) tomatoes (that look like planes, but they’re tomatoes)
(Vegetable music) Controlled explosions from the inside, the seeds were planted years ago by the tomatoes (tomato seeds)
The government did it
The government did it
The government did it (same, me too thanks)
Track Name: Happy Birthday Rob
Your drumming’s shit
Fuck your drumming is really shit
You can suck on my dick
Happy birthday
Track Name: Count Me In
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32
Track Name: Vietnam Has Dogs and Also Pythons
You know why dogs look at you when they fucking poop, all awkward like ‘man I’m taking a fucking shit yea calm down’
Yea well they feel vulnerable, I feel it too thought I never look at my dog when I fucking cry myself to sleep
You know why pythons can dislocate their jaws so far they can swallow a fucking Impala?
Because maybe that’s where my fucking will to live went, down a fucking 16 foot python

This is quite the track we’re recording actually uh this a uh
This track will probably be deleted later, from the final cut of the song so we’re just gonna talk about it now (yep)
This sing we wrote back when we visited Vietnam for a charity gift organisation (oh, wasn’t that a good trip? That was a life changing trip that one)
We uh, I got gonorrhoea but other than that it was probably one of my top 5 trips along with uh going to the service station with my mum recently
(oh, did you get a meat pie at least?)
Nah I was going to but it was a dollar like 36
So I couldn’t afford it

*German rambling regard Vietnam, dogs and pythons*
Relax it, fuck
*more German rambling regard Vietnam, dogs and pythons*
Track Name: Hail Sultanas
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes

*mumbling* Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes

Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Sultanas are dead grapes
Track Name: Pickles and Presents
I spit when I form saliva
It’s a process of the body
Naturalism, naturalism
I like pickles, but not when they’re in a jar
I prefer it when it’s got naturalism, or at least semi elements of naturalism
Who likes pickles anyway
They’re in burgers everyday
Alright, go it Jobe Jobe

My name is Jobe Jobe, I’m not a homo
You call me a homo? You must be a homophobe
I’m not a homophobe
My name is Jobe
J, O, B, E
J, O, B, E
See me in the streets and you meet me
I don’t wanna look at you nasty
You cheddar infection, I am ambidextrous
I don’t wanna section
In the books about my life
When I met you wish I had a knife
I don’t wanna breathe in your presence
I don’t want Christmas, no more presents
I am Jewish, don’t believe in that shit
Watch me here as I spin this shit uh

Spit it
Gotta have them pickles, and shit
Uh, mmm, spit it, mmm mmm
Pickle life, yea, uh

When you on that pickle life
Make sure you have a
Good looking wife
But don’t, make your knife too sharp
You get cut and you’ll be in the dark about life
With your wife because she cut you
Be a good husband and respect women in their cusps of humanity
Track Name: Dick All My Life
Don’t wanna suck dick all my life, I want my life back
Don’t want dick all my life, I’m getting my pride back
Don’t want cock in my mouth, i just want
A wife to love and hold like a dick
But without the balls

My man doesn’t want dick in his mouth
Is that too much to ask for?
He’s had so much dick in his mouth
He’s changed his name to Alexander Michael Jerusalem Whore

Don’t wanna suck dick all my life, I want my pride back
Don’t want cock in my mouth; I’m tired of going south
My wife is all I want
And she’s Mexican hooker, too
Can’t do that
With a john in my dick, mouth fuck

It’s another lesson ladies and gentlemen,
Don’t put a dick in your dick
Or you’ll get a dick in your mouth
And you end up being a dick dick
(Isn’t that just the same as a dick knob?)
Track Name: The Government, Pt. 2
(Whenever you’re ready Rob
I’m not ready)

Tuned cantaloupes
The government did it
Anal sex
The government did it
The government did it

The government did it
Chair legs
The government did it
Black shoelaces
The government
Rotating doors
The government did it
Non rotating doors
The government did it
Different types of doors
The government did it
The government did it

Coat hangers
The government did it
The government did it
The government did it
The government did it

Aylma tomato
Track Name: Secret Nazi Bases Who's Passwords Is 7878
Darcy, if I eliminated the count in, you wouldn’t know when to start
And before you start lecturing about how to fucking record music, maybe learn how to name your tracks, you absolute piece of fucking human garbage

This is a live recording (you should do your verse bro)
This is a live recording of our last song that we ever wrote as a band before the lawsuit settled in
This poetry piece means more than once could describe
And to Darcy’s simple cello playing, I will read it out

There's a current serendipity
Of what I've ever thought of feeling
Towards the numbers
7 & 8

I cannot correlate
Against my minds great debate
Of who created

And as I struggle to feel
Anything towards
Numeracy at all
Who in their right
Mind would have thought to call it

None of this means anything to you
And I'm sorry but is this fate?
I rather enjoy the idea of the number

See numbers are evil
And the secret Nazi bases they hold numbers too
I’m sorry to my family, but it’s something I must do
I must travel to Argentina
In a rowboat filled with nothing but sand and toothpaste
And destroy what was once created